Don't give up on me (or the earth or istormy or God's love)

I am still here, just lacking motivation to blog. I have loads of things in my head that I want to share here, but I just can't get motivated to get stuck in. Don't give up on me, this place will get interesting again. I think I just need to get caught up on editing pics then I'll feel freed up to jump on in.

Meanwhile, here's my Lana doing what she does best.



And happy Earth Day. This world may be corrupt due to our own errors, but it's still God's artwork. He made it and looked at what he made and said it was good. And put us in charge of us. Lets try to be better stewards with what he's given us.



I wanted to share the sermon from my Church on Sunday. You can listen on live. Our preacher is amazing at helping us understand the scriptures in a truly dynamic fashion. He is so articulate and has definitely been given a gift. On Sunday he started a series about the seven churches in Revelation. Please listen to this sermon and be prepared to be blown away with how passionately God loves us. I particularly loved what he said about Genesis.

Click here to listen, you won't regret it

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God answers prayers!

We've been so overwhelmed with support. People bringing gift boxes and food and flowers and arranging meals. Kind messages. And most of all prayers. My boy has been added to so many prayer chains and personal prayer lists. It's very touching. We are grateful. And God is listening.

Turtle went under the knife again today and apparently there is not much pus left to drain. Dr thinks he got it all. There is still a chance Glenn might need repeat surgery to drain his thigh because there was some up there that he couldn't reach, but they hope it won't be necessary. The cultures are still inconclusive so they are starting new ones. And they are baffled by it. They're holding meetings to all talk about it because they've never seen this before. But, whatever it is, it seems that the antibiotics are killing it! Thanks God! He's fighting it and getting better.

We're still in isolation, but it all looks like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. As soon as we are fever free for 48 hours they will put in his PICC and we're good to go. Still doesn't look like we'll be home this weekend but maybe early next week.

For now, he is in a leftover drug induced deep sleep on my right arm, making my fingers go numb but I daren't move him. He looks like an angel, all wrapped up in his pastel yellow blanket with his long lashes kissing his chubby little cheeks while he meows in his sleep. No I didn't intend to say "purrs" but messed up. He is actually meowing in his sleep. Good dream I guess. He keeps my mouth upturned and my spirits uplifted for sure.




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Quick update...there is a *chance* he might get the PICC in tomorrow and discharge on Saturday. So far no fever, but the surgery today might yet cause a spike...We really don't want it to! Not that it would be anything to worry about, but it would delay hometime. I'm getting my hopes up now....

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I found a great new use for my bra

Firstly, I apologize in advance to my Dad, who reads this blog to check up on how the kids and I are doing and...well...no father wants to hear their daughter talk about their bra. Sorry Dad.

I needed to get some more weeding and planting done at my garden patch today. It's been difficult to get much done through the week because I have the kids with me and they tend to run off in different directions as soon as I let them loose down at the allotments. So today I left all four of them with their Daddy, even though the youngest is sick and has been puking, high temp and generally feeling miserable all day. In addition to our 4, he had the neighbors' 3 kids over too. So it was 7 against 1.

Whilst he was busy making young children giggle, and caring for sick babies, I was working away in the sunshine, bopping along to my ipod nano.

Have you ever seen this video?

(video removed because my blog seemed broken and I'm hoping taking off the video might help)

It was kind of like that for me today. I started off pulling weeds and listening to some good worship songs, and prayerfully humming or whistling along. The songs were so powerful. I could only take so much of this praise music at full volume pumping into my soul before I had to just close my eyes in the middle of the garden patch, ignoring the dude on his cell phone in the corner and the old man in his little drive along scooter thingy who kept trying to talk to me about gardens and the grandfather out with 2 young girls on bikes, and just sing to Jesus at the top of my lungs, with my eyes closed and mud covered hands lifted high.

It was amazing. I was praying mostly for Adam and Aimee Freeman who bury their sweet daughter tomorrow. I was also praying for a couple of friends of ours who are having marriage difficulties. And I was praying for me too. For a closer walk with Jesus. And out there in the hot sun, without the kids around, without distractions, and with beautiful music dancing on my ear drums, I just got lost in worship, and it renewed my spirit.

The annoying thing was, my ipod kept falling out of my pocket when I bent over to pick out a weed. It really interrupted the spirit of things. So eventually I looked around, to make sure no one was looking, and I stuffed the ipod in my bra. And it stayed put just great. Rene's awesome Nana used to keep her purse stuffed in her bra, so I did this in tribute to her. Who ever knew bras could be so multi-purpose?

The loud singing of praises didn't embarrass me, nor did my stuffing an mp3 player in my undergarment, but I was very embarrassed as I was trying to leave and my car alarm started going off, and I couldn't figure out for the life of me how to switch the darn thing off. It's done it to me twice this week now. I think there's some electrical fault. Or it's possessed or something. Then everyone was really staring, and I had wanted to make this really cool exit; yanno, singing girl doesn't care if people stare, she plays cool and then drives off. But I ended up talking to my car while my face turned red and I sighed and frantically pressed panic buttons and got in and out of the car as I drew more and more attention to myself.


Then eventually I sorted it, drove home and saw that Rene was coping great. Maybe we should hurry up and have 3 more...kids are so much fun.

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Home now

Job 1:21 (NIV)

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

I got chills when I read this passage as a teenager, and thought of how faithful it was for Job to say these things, after losing everything - including his children.

I wondered if I'd ever be so strong. I couldn't imagine losing my own kids, and certainly couldn't imagine praising God through such tragedy. I printed this scripture off and hung it on my wall, right over my bed. So I saw it every night and morning. It was powerful to me, and I prayed I'd grow strong roots to stay firm through whatever life would throw at me.


And by the time life started throwing my worst nightmares at me, I knew the verse by heart and the meaning was also rooted in my heart. After losing Heather, I didn't really need to remind myself to praise God. It was native. It was all I had left. I wanted the Earth to just melt away so I could fall into Jesus' arms. He was all I knew, He was my comfort, my peace and my hope. I didn't feel angry at Him, or like He had caused her death - but I felt him hold me and cry with me and promise me her safety with Him in eternity. And it was everything.


My prayer is that the Freeman's will feel God's comfort and peace today and will cling to him. Sweet baby Kayleigh died last night. They had longed to take her home before she passed, she lived 11 months and never made it home, to the room they had prepared for her. Though, ultimately she is home now.

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Zoe's prayer at the supper table a minute ago

Fank you, wag you......amen.

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We're rich

Firstly, sorry if I complain too much about not having much money. If I've come across as claiming to be poor then I have gravely misrepresented myself.

The fact is, Rene and I, our family - we are rich. Rolling in wealth, stinking rich.

MATERIALLY
Materially, we have much. Sure, we are technically classed as low income and are eligible for WIC and other assistance (though we don't claim it, for a number of reasons. One of which is we disagree with WIC's opinion of what is healthy, and also simply that we didn't move to the USA just to live off of tax payers' money).

But when you zoom out a bit and compare us to just 2 years ago, when we left behind all our worldy possessions and stepped out on a limb, moving to a new Country with 5 suitcases of photographs and papers and 1 of clothes as our only belongings, and 2 kids on tow plus one more due in 5 weeks. We had naught. But we were trusting in the bible verse my Dad read to us on our Wedding day,

Psalm 37
3 Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
6 He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

My Dad and Step Mother took us in and took extremely good care of us for those first few months. We are so grateful. It was scary leaving them May 2007, to go off to Nebraska, where we knew no-one and had no job and no savings.

But God delivered. He took care of us. When we look around our house, we can count on two hands, the number of things we have actually bought, rather than were given. And we can count on one hand the number of those which were bought at full price. We haven't had to buy the TV, beds, dressers, sofa, microwave, kitchen table, chairs, dishes, silverware, cooking equipment. We've been gifted everything and are so grateful.

There are so many people around us who have so much less than us. We pray we will be good stewards with what God has given us.

And Rene is starting a new job in 3 weeks. It was a very tough decision to make, but we feel this job will provide us more financial stability and job security, especially given the state of the economy just now.


But really, materially wasn't where I was going with the whole rich thing.



FRIENDSHIPS

WOWsers have we ever been blessed in this area. I'm an introvert, and Rene is the extrovert. I wasn't overly scared about the social issues with moving country. Rene was deeply troubled however, that we wouldn't be able to integrate well in our new home. Admittedly, in those last few weeks in Scotland, when we were saying goodbye over and over to so many amazing, incredible people, I started to wonder, "what in the heck are we doing?". We left behind some life shaping, amazing relationships with the most wonderful people.

But again, God has provided for us again here. We have an awesome support system around us here. Lincoln has been so welcoming to us, and there are folks here who have just embraced us with open arms and made us feel we truly belong. In 2 short years, we've gotten to know some people who it feels like we've known forever. People rally around us when we're in crisis, and truly our cup of friendship if overflowing. Yes, I did just say something as cheesy as that.


KIDS

When I was a young girl, I used to say when I grew up I wanted to be a wife and a mother, and have 12 kids. I'm not quite there yet, but well on the way. I have always had a deep yearning to love my own offspring, and sometimes I look around me at my sweet little ones, each busting with their own personality, and I just can hardly believe I've really been given all this. It's everything I ever wanted. And I am everything they need right now. And that is a privilege that completely blows my head off. The only thing that would make this more perfect is of course, if Heather were still here. But then 10 weeks I had with her were also an incredible blessing.

I am so thankful that Rene makes enough money so we can pay our bills and can afford for me to stay home and educate the kids, nurture them and help them grow. I believe I have one of the single most important jobs in the entire world, and I pray I will do it well. I am certainly savoring it, I truly am. I'm so grateful that I get to be the one to sit beside them on the couch and teach them to read, that I am the one who gets to show them nature and explain what it is and what it does, that I get to be the one to see the look of satisfaction on their faces when they figure out how something works or how to solve a problem. And I get to be the one my little girls want to be just like when they grow up - what an amazing, beautiful responsibility. I am so glad that they are growing up with the assurance that I am there for them, any time they need me. That's worth more money than the richest person on the planet could afford.


EACH OTHER



We married young. You could say, young and stupid. We were dating at 16 and 18 years old, and married at 19 and 22. (2.5 years age difference) We've learned a heck of a lot in that time. We had some really difficult times, and have grown through them. We went through marriage counseling a few years back, which completely changed the direction we were going in for the better. I believe, in my heart of hearts, that God brought us together, that we were chosen for each other. Rene really is my soul mate. I love him endlessly.



Ultimately, I don't want to be wealthy financially. I feel it would only distract me from what's truly important in life. We make ends meet, and that's sufficient. God has given us so very much. We are rich.

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Rest In Peace "Sparky"

It turns out Neddy, our mommy bunny, actually had 4 kittens, not 3 as we previously thought. She seems like a wonderful mommy, but the cage is just not good enough, and whenever we go in and check, there seem to be baby bunnies on the floor. They manage to escape through the gaps in the bars.

I've been losing sleep over these bunnies, and praying for their lives. They are so precious and we are so in love with them.

Today we lost a bunny. We called him, "Sparky". I went in to check and he was in the nest, already dead. He wasn't one who had been escaping. I think he might have been number 4 to have been born, he was weak from the start, and he just died in the nest. It's so heart breaking. I removed him, and Neddy keeps looking like she's trying to find him.



His body was so tiny and so perfect. We buried him and I cried. Zoe kept looking at him and saying, "aw cute. Aw sleeping". :(

We had tried so hard to patch up the gaps in the cage, with cardboard and pillowcases and hay. But these feisty baby bunnies kept finding a way out. I hadn't wanted to relocate the bunnies because I didn't want to spook the mother, but we finally decided it was the least of two evils.

So we made a transfer. We moved the bedding and mommy's hair, and the nest and the food and water into the cage Daddy had been in (Daddy aka Nicky, had been moved to another room), after cleaning out the cage of course. Then we let Neddy have a sniff around in the new cage before placing the babies in beside her. Then we put the cage in the place her other cage had been in and put the blanket over. I was surprised to see Neddy stood over one of her kittens right away and started nursing him. I had read they only nurse them at dusk and dawn. She doesn't seem as nervous around me at all anymore.

I hope I've done the right thing. I hope they thrive in their new environment and that we don't lose any more.

I think I'm projecting a lot onto these bunnies. I'm projecting my own maternal instincts, and the fact that I've lost a baby to the cruelty of nature. And I'm projecting some sentiments about my children's souls. Rene and I have found a bunch of old friends from our Youth Fellowship and Powerpoint days on facebook, and have found many of them are no longer Christians. There was a guys from Back To The Bible giving statistics on Children who were raised in Church. Apparently 2 out of 10 remain walking with Jesus in adulthood. What a scary statistic. Having my baby die was hard, it hurts. But I know she's in Heaven. If I were to lose my kids souls, that they turned away and ended up eternally seperate from God, I can't stand the thought. I pray fervently for them every day that they'll choose Jesus when they've grown.

I think I feel like I'm desperate to defy statistics and have my kids all grow up in Christ, and I'm depserate to defy the statistic (dunno how reliable it is) that many bunnies lose their whole first litter. So I'm projecting and that's why the baby's death is hurting me so bad. Maybe. I dunno, but it is seriously affecting me.

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The Lord Provides

I'm always humbled by the ways God provides for us.

Money is tight right now. We have no savings and at the end of every month we're diving into the pennies jar to make ends meet. I know it's hard times for everyone with the economy and bla bla bla (I've made a personal commitment to myself not to get political on my blog. There's enough of that on the web already!).

So anyway tonight the doorbell rang and it was a lady and a gentleman from St Mark's Methodist church giving us a bunch of thanksgiving food for free! We hadn't signed up for any programs or anything. They just had one basket leftover and their pastor instructed them to drive out and give it to the first house with bikes outside.

As "chance" would have it (or as God would have it!) we had a bike sitting in our yard that some neighbourhood kid had left. It's been there for a few days, we don't even know who it belongs to.

So they gave us loads of food, milk, fruit, tinned food, even a pumpkin pie!

Thanks God, for finding another creative way to see us through til next wage check. I need to stop worrying and remember that God always provides! He's never failed to yet.

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Getting sentimental

Today I'm feeling thankful for how God has provided for us and taken care of our needs. Moving country and away from our friends and family was such a hard decision. Leaving behind our house and all our possessions.

But God has really been with us, has used his people to provide for our needs and has given us great friendships here. I'm very thankful.

I did have videos of the girls thankful today but I think I left the camcorder behind at a friend's house by mistake. So it'll have to wait.

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