My life has been pretty epic lately. I haven't posted much recently because my laptop has been broken for some time. I am using my husband's laptop but I can't put my photos on there. I haven't uploaded any photos this whole year. And Ally has gone through so many stages of adorableness. I must share them. Hopefully I'll get it fixed soon...
So in the few weeks I've neglected to blog some adventures in the Docherty household. We've/I've battled sicknesses, broken a cell phone in the washer, lost a small child in a huge DIY store for what felt like hours but was probably minutes, broke down crying in said DIY store, accidentally broke a bounce house at a children's event when I tripped on the cable, resulting in many disappointed kids who were quickly and safely evacuated while I hid and blushed, had a major panic attack after two deer ran in front of my car and I nicked the butt of one of them, got a new car after our van started breathing it's final few breaths, walked into corners of opened windows and banged up my forehead, cleaned up a whole gallon of milk Zoe poured all over the carpet, cleaned up an ocean of shredded cheese sprinkled all over the house, admired the pictures in ink drawn all over the walls which don't want to budge, called my husband home from work to help fix my glasses which Turtle had used to practice tying a celtic knot, refereed many many sibling squabbles, cared for 2 adorable 5 week old kittens who showed up at my deck, buried one of the kittens and grieved so hard, endured many sleepless nights with a baby and his stuffed up nose, fallen down a couple of outdoor steps in the dark and smashed up my right hand side of my body giving myself quite a limp and lots of pain, gone for camping trips that turned epic with whining kids and failing equipment and bad attitudes, faced many challenges, victories and failures.
But the main drama preoccupying my mind and time and energies right now is some health issues I'm going through. For the past 1-2 years I've been feeling like I'm slowly deteriorating. It's been hard to say exactly what. I've just described it as "I feel like I'm falling apart". My last pregnancy wiped me out more than usual and I've struggled to pick back up after having him. Then I started noticing signs of depression, but I was reluctant to admit it. I had some strange issues running parallel, like I would see faces in inanimate objects and feel like I was being watched, and I had a strong paranoia that The Man, Uncle Sam, CPS, whoever, wanted to take my kids away (this was completely unfounded, pinched out of thin air). Red flag. (and no, I don't smoke weed or anything of the sort)
I committed to losing weight, hoping that would resolve many of my physical symptoms. I started weight watchers which I've had some success with in the past. But this one week of weight watchers about killed me. Suddenly my rate of deterioration accelerated tenfold, I felt sick, tired, lethargic, in pain all over, weak. I was an emotional wreck, completely breaking down left right an center. I had thick brain fog and amnesia and couldn't hardly put thoughts together, I couldn't look after my kids so Rene missed a lot of time from work. I stayed completely within my WW points but gained a pound. When I was breaking down over, I can't even remember what it was about, I was in the corner of the room crying and really acting like a crazy person, when Rene became a little more forceful about suggesting I go to the doctor. He had been very gently trying to persuade me for some time, while continuing to trust me to assess my own need. But he was realizing he really had to intervene. It was a very low point.
So the Dr appointment was far less scary than I had unreasonably feared it would be. I was given antidepressants which is helping profoundly with the emotional issues and paranoia. I'm not sure how much of it may have been post natal depression or purely related to the other discovery they made - that I have hypothyroid. Ok, that ties together so many of my symptoms and complaints, it makes perfect sense. It explains the lethargy, the sluggishness, the deterioration. So I'm on thyroid medications and it's slowly having a positive effect, but it definitely feels like 3 steps forward 2 steps back.
I am also in constant severe pain all over my body, particularly my joints which seems to be getting worse rather than better, and it is very much effecting my quality of life. So that's still under investigation.
Basically, I turned 30 and became an old, decrepit, whining woman instantly.
But on a totally positive note, the other piece of drama preoccupying my mind is a purchase we made of a banged up travel trailer that needs a TON of work before it will be suitable, but I can see the finish product in my mind and I am so excited about it. I'm pacing myself and doing what I can, when I have enough energy. And Rene is doing tons too. it's SUCH a fun project and I'm totally obsessed and loving it. I have been taking photos and I will document the journey. So watch this space.
And those are the ramblings from my still fogged up mind. I hope it made some sense and got my blog caught up with where I'm at just now. It's a tough season in my life, but also such an important one. My kids are at such a tender age, and I know I'll miss this season more than any other when it's all said and done. So I'm trying to savor it despite setbacks.