Thursday, October 27, 2011

I'm so excited!!

I figured it's about time for a positive update, after all the complaining I've been doing lately. I've had friends and family praying for me and I'm so grateful for it. Things are starting to look up and I'm focusing on the future.

I'm so excited because my laptop has been returned to me - repaired! I hardly recognized it. I am so happy I can finally go through my photos from the whole of this year and start editing and uploading them. I'm still working through January. Check out how cute and tiny Alasdair was. He's changed so much since then.

I'm also excited because we are making good progress on our camper. And now I can post photos of it! Watch this space. It's been so much fun so far. I'm in love with this camper.

And my health update -
I went to an endocrinologist feeling like death. So tired and down and with excruciating pain. And she told me my thyroid lab is in the normal range now, that I have an autoimmune disease and that my pains are most likely unrelated to my thyroid issues, so I should see a rheumatologist. I think we're looking at arthritis or fibromyalgia. It's still under investigation.

I went into a deeper depression after this. For a few reasons. For one, I had put so much hope into this appointment, and hoped that all my symptoms would be resolved with a dosage change of my thyroid meds. But it doesn't need adjusted and I still don't have answers. And it looks like this isn't something that's ever going to go away. I'm going to have to adjust to this as my new normal.

So after a few days of pouting, I've begun to do that. To adjust to this new normal. I'm reading up on how to support health nutritionally and with lifestyle changes. And that's empowering. And I've started to dramatically feel better with regards to the fatigue and depression. It could be a swing in the hashimotos, which causes fluctuations of hyperthyroid and hypothyroid. But I prefer to think it's just an improvement due to changes I've made and the medication. Either way, I'm making the most of it.

A few weeks ago it exhausted me to drag myself to the bathroom to pee. I could hardly move. Rene missed tons of time from work because it was too hard for me to change diapers and prepare food. I was so extremely lethargic. Now I'm up and about, working on the camper, making Halloween costumes, cooking, cleaning, interacting, teaching, living. I am learning to pace myself, taking lots of rests etc. More for the pain than the fatigue. If I overdo it I'm out of action for a few days in agony. But it's all experimental just now, learning what works and what doesn't and trying to get on with my life.

And did I mention I got my laptop back? Yay.

Monday, October 17, 2011

A peaceful birth

I finally had the courage (and time!) to watch my birth video from Alasdair's birth.

I had been kind of nervous to watch it, because I was worried about my performance. I had spent my pregnancy with him reading about hypnobirthing and watching the hypnobirths on you tube and being totally inspired for a peaceful birth. But when it came to crunch time for me, it was such a fast and furious labor and in my mind it was anything but peaceful. I felt embarrassed and thought for sure I must have traumatized Kaya, I must have been yelling and roaring and flailing and out of control. Rene assured me it had been fine, but he's such a good liar sometimes, I never know if I should believe him.

So now, all these months later, I finally decided to watch the birth from a perspective other than my own. And it was soooo different from how it had been in my head. I made a couple of groaning noises at first, but then I became completely focused and quiet. You could have heard a pin drop. The lights were dim, essential oils burned, there was music playing softly in the background, there was the occasional swooshing sound as I shifted my body in the water. Everything was serene and beautiful. I am so grateful to Rene and Kaya for respecting my need for peace and quiet at that time. Kaya uttered a few words of encouragement, but otherwise she silently filmed and watched this miracle unfold.

She spoke to me a few days ago with a question, "guess which 2 moments were my most amazing moments in this family?"
I thought it would be some birthday or vacation. But she answered her own question,
"getting to see my brothers being born. It's so amazing that moment when the baby is out and we find out if it's a boy or a girl, and we're all so happy."

It was beautiful to watch this moment back. I pulled my baby out of the water and was instantly ecstatic. He was pink and grumpy, I was enthusiastically confessing my love for him. It was electric, magical, intense, perfect.

I find it incredible how different my memory of the birth was from the actual event as recorded. But both my memory and the film agree on one thing - that it was a truly amazing, empowering experience. I am so grateful to have had the chance to live it.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Highs and lows of a 9 month old

I can't believe Ally is 9 months old already. It's been an amazing 9 months thus far, I can't possibly sing this boy's praises enough. I am so glad our family has been blessed with him. He has an incredible, loving spirit, and it feels like he's always been with us.

I love this age/stage so much. There are definitely highs and lows though. For example:

Alasdair has mastered the art of crawling!

Um...let's just say we've been motivated to do some clever rearranging of where we keep the cats' litter trays.

He's pulling himself up to stand on furniture.

We've become well acquainted with arnica cream for bumps and bruises.

He loves to sing and chatter and babble.

They don't seem to appreciate it much during prayers at church.

He is such a funny baby. He loves to play peekaboo and make funny noises and crack up laughing.

I don't find it so amusing at 3am when he sits up and has a giggle fest.

He has such a curiosity for life. He loves to investigate textures and sounds and see what things feel like.

He particularly love experimenting with spectacles and clumps of hair.

He loves trying new foods and is never picky.

Most meal times require a full strip down, sometimes a bath and always a change of clothes.

He's constantly learning new things. He can do a number of baby signs, he can say a few words, he drinks from a straw, claps his hands, does the wiggle dance to yo gaba gaba on demand, blows kisses, even tries to snap his fingers.

It's a reminder of how very fast he's growing. His babyhood is flying past. I am going to miss these days very sorely. I'm so proud of him and so besotted with him. I just wish I could savor it more, maybe press the pause button for a while...