Friday, August 29, 2008

Happy Birthday, my angel, Heather

Seven years ago today, I woke up in a maternity hospital in Glasgow, nervously awaiting my husband to come join me. I had been having mild contractions all night from the gel they had given me to ripen my cervix for induction.

Rene finally arrived and I was so happy to see him. Eventually I was sent through to the labor ward to be induced. I was young, naive, nervous, excited and intimidated. They broke my water and put me on pitocin.

Things got crazy very fast, I had a failed epidural attempt, the baby's heart rate started to drop and I was threatened with a c-section. But not long afterwards I got the urge to push and I was fully dilated. I pushed pretty darn hard and she flew out.

I remember them placing her on my tummy right away and I was instantly in love, before I even knew she was a girl. Her little body was so slippy and I was so scared I wouldn't be able to hold on to her. I immediately felt so protective of her, she was my little baby, I was her mother, she needed me, I felt so important and on top of the world. THIS was what I had waited for my whole life. Suddenly everything was worth while, suddenly everything made sense, suddenly I understood so much about God's love for us.

I will never ever forget that moment. What an incredible moment. Such a tiny little bundle, meant so incredibly much to me. I am so thankful for that moment. For that memory and for the 10 weeks that followed. I will hold on to them with everything I have. Please God, don't ever let those memories fade.

I find it so hard to believe she would have been 7. I can't even begin to imagine what she'd have been like. What her interests would have been, would she have been feminine and girly, like Lana, or boisterous, like Kaya? I'll never know. But I do believe I got a glimpse of her beautiful spirit while she was here, and that's what I'll get to see again one day.

That's the part that lives on and waits for me with God. The part of her I knew, not the 7 year old who feels like a stranger to me, but the little Sparkle Queen girl, with eyes that gazed adoringly back into mine. The little princess who I felt was my best friend while we hung around the house together just us two while Daddy was at work. The precious little happy girl who thought it was the funniest thing ever when she yawned and then I yawned afterwards, or when she'd sneeze while lying down and it would fall back on her face like a sprinkler.

Man I love her so much. And I sure do miss her. Happy Birthday my Peach.


Di said...

Happy Birthday, Heather! x Thinking of you all, Denise. Lots of love, hugs and prayers! x

Snobound said...

Lovely post. I too find it very hard to believe she would have been 7 today. Where do the years go?

Your father and I were just talking about her the other day and wondering some of the same things - Who would she have been most like? Who would she have looked like? What would her interests have been? Would she have been a good student? Would she be tall or squat?

But you're right, she's just a stranger to us now - just memories, like dusty photographs on a lonesome mantle. A whisper that was never articulated. A shooting star that is enjoyed for only a moment and then lost to the inky black night sky.

Happy birthday wee-Peach. I miss you.

Kinsleys3 said...

Always makes me tear up! Happy Birthday, Heather! Even though we never met you, I bet you were just as charming, fun and adorable as your sweet little sisters.

Sam Burton said...

Ah, Birthday for my Highland Blossom. Such a bittersweet day.

Morgan said...

Happy Birthday, Heather! What a beautiful tribute to her memory!