But then Sunday, boxing day, the day after Christmas, the letdown and dread was tremendous. It felt like the day before family visitors have to travel back to the airport and fly home. When you want to enjoy your day together but it feels like you swallowed an iron brick, your chest is heavy and your stomach churns and a lump in your throat swells the whole day long, occasionally sending moisture through your tear ducts even without the lung heaving or face tightening part of crying. It was back to the grind, and I didn't want it, I wasn't ready. I missed the pregnancy, the anticipation of baby, the birth and all the buzz that surrounded it on either side. I was going to miss having my companion by my side, my soul mate who had shared with me this intimate experience of bringing life into the world.
I had been spoiled with love, rest, hugs, kisses, hot meals brought to me in bed, conversation, companionship, excitement, comfort, importance and even occasional back massages at night for two weeks. And now here we were, Christmas wrapping paper crumpled all over the floor, packaging traipsed through every room and toy dolls already stripped naked and littered around, as we sat by a sad looking Mr Christmas tree who I identified with as one who previously had the spotlight and praise and glitter and now was no longer significant and would soon be stripped of adornments and considered to be just..in the way really.
I don't do well with the daily grind. I like to always have a project, something to occupy my mind and energies. And the quiet after a storm sounds a bit like sadness to me. The stillness is a bit stifling. Rene was holding magnets to the wall trying to find studs to hang the new tv holder for our 19 inch flat screen tv Uncle Doug gave us for Christmas (woot!!) while I dreamed on the housing section of craigslist about what might come in the next year or so. And suddenly there it was. Oops, I stumbled across something we were not ready for yet, but now that I had seen it, we might just have to do something about it. It was Our House. Available immediately. I spoke with a cautionary tone, "Rene...I've found The One".
He put down his tools and came to look. He strained his face and voice as he began to realize that yes, this was indeed Our House and things were about to get real crazy. He called the owner and asked some information, then arrangements were made for Rene and the 3 girls to go visit the house the next night. No commitments, just going to check it out and see. I couldn't visit it because the van was misbehaving so he thought it best to take the car, which we don't all fit into anymore since Ally added to our number.
Monday came and the grind was a lot easier to handle with this little piece of hope. The more I thought on it, the more I wanted this new life, new place, new buzz, new adjustments. I'm addicted to change I guess. I'm a hopper. Ungrounded. They went to visit the place and came back with shining reports. It's an old house, in need of work for sure, but as renters, that's not really our concern. It's bigger than our current home (currently in 1100 sq ft, this one is 1500) plus it has a garage. Unfortunately it is very close to the road, it's a quiet road but a fast one. It's also twice what we're currently paying, which we should be able to afford by our budget, but things are going to get very tight. I'm up for the challenge. It's the yard that's the selling point here. This is a home in the country, 3 miles from the city. Perfect location. We get a nice yard with lots of trees and then 3 acres to roam on, which we don't need to mow (it's prairie, maintained by others) and a creek! Yeah, a creek. I hope it doesn't dry up in the summer because splashing in it to cool off would totally rock. Either way it is so pretty. It's at the back of the acreage so the kids should be able to stay back from it when a grown up is not there. The back yard has a firepit too. I'm thinking marshmallows here. We'll probably camp in our backyard.
So we messed with the budget, made some reductions and sacrifices and signed the lease! For move in date 2.5 weeks later. We gave our notice and have pretty much been spinning around like crazy packing things up, calling utilities, hiring moving vans, cleaning house etc since then. No daily grind around here.
It's a bit crazy, you might accuse us of being a wee bit thick in the head for making a sudden move of house to a place with no dishwasher when we have a newborn baby and 4 other kids on tow, and only having a couple weeks to do it all. But this is nothing compared with what we've done before. We made an international move in 4.5 weeks while pregnant and had to fix up and sell our house and pack our belongings and host a going away party and celebrate Christmas in amongst that time, and we pulled it off. Then a few months later we moved to a house we had only seen in pictures, in a town we had never been to, with a 10 week old baby and 2 other kids and no job! And it worked out.
I'm going to actually get to see the place the night before we move in. Rene is hoping I won't see it and hate it. I hope so too, but I'm pretty sure I'll be happy with it. It doesn't need to be gorgeous inside, it just needs to be home. And it will be. As soon as we haul ourselves and our junk in there. Which is going to be a little difficult to do with all the snow that came a couple days ago..
And the past few days our highs have been in the single digits. But hopefully it will be up to 20 degrees by Saturday, when we move. Hopefully people will come help us out, despite the weather. My brother, who carries heavy items in sears for a living, says this time of year is better for moving because the physical labor heats you up, he says the height of summer is the time to avoid. That makes sense and I'm using it as a selling point when asking for help!!
So, wish us luck. I will be sure to post pics when we get to the other side. I'm excited about it for sure. And then when I get there..I have some more ambitious projects lined up to postpone the daily grind a wee bit longer. I'm talkin' Ana White, which I might be terrible at...but I'm hoping it can be a new hobby for me if I can master the whole power tool thing. Watch this space.