I love this stuff.
And because I love Summer so much, and I'm not a fan of Winter; Fall is usually depressing for me. I love the leaves and the beauty. But it always feels like death to me. Partly because I remember the life and death of my firstborn in the fall of 2001. So the look and feel of fall bring back some mixed up memories and throw me in a rollercoaster of emotion.
But even before then, fall could bring me down in the dumps. The chill in the air, the death on the trees, the darker days and longer nights. In the middle of enjoying Summer, I've always found myself dreading Autumn.
But not this year. Something is different this year. This year I've noticed myself thinking forward to Halloween or Harvest time or raking up leaves, with excitement brewing up inside. What's up with that? Lately when I've been realizing the Summer must end soon, instead of grieving, I've been feeling anticipation and joy and a whole new sense of ambition and motivation.
This was so eerie to me, so I had to get to the bottom of it. Ok, I noticed that accompanying these positive feelings of my least favorite season were always memories of last fall. So the key must be somewhere in there. I ran my mind through memories of last year.
The pumpkin patch
The yellowing leaves
Bringing out sweaters
And as I remembered these things, I felt so good inside. Like I had just taken a drug. That warm, content, excited feeling which starts deep in your gut and resonates across your shoulders and through your whole body. I feel alive. It's wonderful. What is it about last fall that's causing such wonderful memories?
Did anything significant happen last fall?
Why of course it did. This happened last fall. September 18th, 2008 - I had the most amazing birth experience. I had my first son, at home, in the water, with only my husband and eldest daughter with me. It was peaceful, intimate, exciting and perfect. And oh my, the buzz.
I enjoyed my other births, as much as one can enjoy pitocin induced contractions while being strapped to a bed. I was happy to meet my little babies and I love newborn days.
But nothing could compare to the feeling of giving birth using only the normal, natural hormones and chemicals which God built in. And wow they are amazing chemicals! the adrenaline and the endorphins and the love hormones. I just felt on top of the world. It was the most amazing high.
People often ask, "why would anyone want to give birth without an epidural? It must be some sort of martyr mentality"
And if you can't grasp how amazing it feels to experience birth with all the natural lows and then incredible natural highs, then you will find it difficult to understand why anyone wouldn't want to numb the pain of labor.
I felt like I could conquer the world. I had done something incredible and I felt like I had super powers. I had created a little being and brought him into the world. He was mine. The Drs didn't give him to me. I made him and I brought him to life, and played a part in this incredible miracle of life which God set into motion.
If I'm having a difficult time in life, which I often do, lacking motivation etc, I just have to look at these newborn pictures or remember those early days and I am instantly infused with this sense of achievement and amazement and self worth. I can draw from the energies that I had back then, from that birth buzz.
I am woman, hear me roar.
Oh my gosh, look at that sweetness
It was about 11 months ago. And I can still tap in to those positive energies. How amazing is that? And I'm thinking this wonderful birth has cured my ill feelings about fall forever. So are you all convinced about natural childbirth yet? I'm just happy I'm embracing life in a new way, and am content to experience the changing seasons with my wonderful family, and empowering memories. yay.