Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Scarecrow, I think I'm going to miss you most of all

My heart is heavy.

I've been dealing with really bad pain in my upper abdomen for 9 days now. It's been very hard to function, especially when Rene isn't home. They did a few tests and have determined that my gallbladder "don't work a hoot" were the surgeon's words. So I will be having surgery on Friday to have it removed.

Firstly, I hate hospitals. I am scared to death thinking about it all. I will be so far out of my comfort zone. My stomach is in knots thinking about it. I had a homebirth to avoid going to hospital. I am a homebody and too much time away from home makes me crazy.

I'm very nervous about the financial implications of this. We are on a preexisting conditions clause with the insurance just now and they know this is a preexisting condition because I was tested last year. So this is going to really make us suffer and I have no idea how we will manage it.

Mostly though, I'm torn up thinking about the time away from the kids. I've to be there for 11.30am on Friday. Rene will be dropping me off. I have to at least spend one night and then it depends on how I am doing. I've hardly been away from Turtle and Zoe for a few hours never mind all night. He is still nursing frequently through the night. I'll need to take a breast pump with me so I don't get mastitis.

I am going to miss them so bad. They are not even allowed to visit me because kids under 14 are not allowed on the patient wards because of risk of swine flu. :(

I so badly want to call the whole thing off. But then the pain strikes up again and I know I can't cope. It's really kicking my butt. And I can't live on narcotics for the rest of my life. As wonderful as they are, it's kind of difficult to stay awake, never mind homeschool when I'm drugged up.

Anyway, wish me luck. I'm sure they'll all cope but I will be so lonely and will miss them so incredibly much. I can't wait to get back home asap. Prayers that it will go well and that I can recover fast to get home soon would be much appreciated.


Blessedw5mom said...

Oh dear bloggy friend! I am praying for you even now! And specifically praying that you have the speediest recovery any of the doctors and nurses have ever seen, so you can get right back to snuggling your little ones.

allenaim photography and design said...

You WILL make it...and I hope (along with "blessed") recovery will be swift so you can be snuggling soon!

Laura said...

You silly guw. Go and get yourself healthy and don't worry about the babies. You are due for a nice, peaceful break anyway. God will provide the money. <3 ya

MrsW said...

I'll have everything crossed for you - even my eyes.

Serina Cooper said...

It'll be alright Niecey. You need to do this so you can feel better and enjoy your kids. You are taking away 1 night from them and giving them much better days than you can give them now when you are in pain. I'll be thinking of you.

Kinsleys4 said...

Will definitely be praying. Not fun, but at least they know what the problem is & it's fixable. God is our ever present strength in time of trouble. Love you!!!!!!

Valeria said...

hey Niecey i'm sure you are going to be fine as you kids! don't worry about them! one night is nothing! even two or three...just in case! your aversion for the hospital makes me smile, it's my favorite place! .....I'm a surgeon :).....but I understand, I would be surprised of the opposite!
good luck, keep us posted!

big hug!

2Shaye ♪♫ said...

Oh Niecey, I don't know how I missed this post. But you have my prayers and I'll be anxiously waiting to hear more. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be away from my children and home during that time. And I wish I lived close to you so that I could whip up a meal or two for your family while you'll be away.


Laura said...

I somehow missed this post till now. I hope the surgery goes smoothly and that you are able to cope financially thereafter.

I can understand that it will be so hard for you to be away from your family, especially the little ones. I am sure turtle will poune on you, lips a flaring ready for a big nursing session, when you get home.

I hope you have a speedy recovery too! Keep in touch!