Thursday, July 2, 2009

Plans and reflections


Tomorrow we head off in the late afternoon to drive to Joplin, MO. My mum and her gang left this morning to get there ahead of us. Rene set up a family reunion for the 4th, and I'll be meeting my mum's dad for the first time ever. He's the only surviving great grandparent for the kids. I'm really looking forward to it.


I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately. A few of our married friends are having troubles right now, with their marriages. It's heavy, sad and painful. We've been there and no doubt are not over the worst of it yet. I'm sure we still have much to deal with. It's difficult to watch our friends struggle with hurts and pain.

God's been speaking to me a lot about my role as a wife, and I've been thinking and reflecting on relationships. I have a theory right now, that the vast majority of relationship issues boil down to a common fear that we are going to give out more love than we're going to get back in return. It's more than simply a fear of rejection. It's like a fear of being depleted of love resources. Because we love this person so much, we are scared we'll run ourselves empty on loving them, and they won't give us a refill.

We're scared we'll be taken advantage of. That we'll end up doing most of the house work (if that's your particular love language) and won't receive help, and our gesture of love won't be received and reciprocated. Or that we won't get the physical affection we crave. Or that we'll be expected to work harder, or put more time or money into the relationship than the other person is having to put in. And we'll dry out, and be left with naught, because we weren't as loved.

And ultimately, we shouldn't be worrying about our cup of love running empty (nice and cheesy and cliche wasn't it?), because we shouldn't be expecting it to be filled by our spouse. Or else we'll always end up disappointed. I believe that if we are embracing Jesus' love, if we are allowing ourselves to be truly filled up with his love, then we'll feel completely free to love our spouses without restriction, and without fear of being taken for granted or taken advantage of. Because we have all the love we could ever desire. We are so loved. He's passionate about us and jealous for us. He died painfully to spare us. There's no way we'll end up giving out more love than we received!

Yanno what? I am so darn tired right now. I am nodding off while typing this, but I wanted to get some thoughts down. I will come back to this subject later, for sure (when I'm better rested). Sorry if this doesn't read well or seem to make much sense.

Meanwhile, I will take my camera with me to Joplin for sure. And I will take many pics and post all about it when I return. I hope this goes well! I am excited.


Herb of Grace said...

There's so much wisdom in this post.. It's something I've been pondering lately, myself. I would add to what you said this; that people are often convinced that since they are Right, they must Change the other person. I think that combined with what you mentioned above are two really big issues for many couples. Thanks so much for your honesty about this topic :)

Kinsleys4 said...


Cali Eddy said...

It seems like that is the norm lately, my best friend of 10 years just left her husband out of no where Sunday and Gabe and I are doing our best to be supportive and praying all while knowing God will be glorified in all of this. It breaks my heart to see my friends hurting and I almost feel guilty at times for the wonderful marriage I have. Not that my husband and I are perfect, but that we are SO committed, nothing would break us apart. I just wish more people had as much in sight as you have when it comes to relationships.